Immigration Problem...

I have no problem with the migration of people. How could I? This city was built on the influx of different cultures, and I myself come from a Barbadian 'windrush' family. However, having said that, I do have a problem with the migration of insects.

One question. Why are spiders seemingly getting bigger and bigger? Recently, we've been under attack. Somewhere between the spider that landed on my head a couple of weeks ago, causing me to flick my hair casually, thinking it to be just hair tickling my face (only to be confronted by the most fitness-first membership spider I have seen in quite sometime), and the 'Spider in the Bathtub' show these guys have regularly been putting on, its intimidating.
Furthermore, i'm certain these guys aren't english. As I type this there is a spider my mother described as 'the biggest she has seen in her life' at large in the bathroom - and she spent the 1st decade of her life in the Caribbean. I encountered it way earlier today, just sitting in the bathtub. I looked at it, and this creature with the face of Chuck Norris and 8 Usain Bolt legs, simply looked me in my face and responded "or'que!? O'QUE?!?". I left immeadiately, neglecting to ask for any documentation to prove his right to be here (or indeed just this things country of origin). I would've made an attempt on his life, but since myself and these things have entered into conflict they have surely got bigger each time. Since my cousin cretinously removed this menace from the bathtub but failed to deport it out the window from whence we assume it came, I have not gone back. All my powers of deduction have lead me to the conclusion that A) this creature is Brazillian and B) it is more than capable of grabbing me by my ankle as I attempt to go take a slash or shower and detaining me. No offence to all the Brazillian people I know (and dont for that manner) but i'd like to pass on kidnap. Especially on this factor alone; I could not tell you the intention of this Big Scary Spider...
Eeegh! Fire and Brimstone upon that spartan myth currently neandering its way around the place where I do my cleansing of self' where now pray tell shall i cast my ablutions?
I'm not a Yardie, but I will throw acid inna that tings face should the situation arise. On that note' does anyone perhaps still have any CS Gas Left over from the little phase our generation had?

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